Archive for August, 2009

Millwall 1 – 1 Albion

August 28, 2009

I’m now back in Kabul and haven’t slept since Wednesday night, so if I miss the Seagulls Player coverage of our league game tonight against Millwall then don’t be too surprised – I’m hanging out my arse with jet lag here.

Big game tonight – we have a decent record at the New Den, and Millwall have probably only just recovered after the events of Tuesday the 25th August. “Interesting” isn’t close to describing this one – “must see” is more like it, or if you’re away like me “must listen”. The instant coffee will be getting tanked tonight for sure.

The game is ten minutes old and Player has not even looked like working, piece of shit, I might have to sack this. I’m watching the Millwall v Albion thread on NSC, can’t get fook all on my laptop. Guess who’s getting a bastard email tomorrow? Wha-hey!!! we’re on and we’re down 1-0, and Whing has just been booked. Marvellous. Whing is on thin ice, one more bad tackle and he’s off, can we play a game with 11 players this season? Michel Kuipers has made two great saves to keep us in it.  It’s pissing it down at the Den, miserable, wet, fitting. Forster misses a great chance, made by Cox. Half-time, not good but we’re still in it. Gary Dicker on for the second half? Please? Mister Slade?

And Dicker starts the second half. Seagulls Player commentators reckon it’s because Alan Navarro took a knock first half, who cares, he’s on at last. Adam Virgo is playing a lot better than last game, not missing Elphick then? Tunnicliffe is not as assured as he looked Saturday, he could be missing Elphick. Dicker sounds lively, and our midfield is actually going forward this half. Dickinson skins his marker, lays it off to Bennett and the new kid misses a sitter. Our fans have found their voices after that one, let’s have another. Cox chips the keeper, hits the crossbar!! Forster heads and it’s cleared over! Jesus, is it going to be one of those nights?

NO IT FOOOOOKING ISN’T!!! Virgo crosses and Nicky Forster SCORES!!!!! 1 – 1. Get it right up you Millwall!!!!! Straightaway AGAIN Albion are in shit state at the back, Millwall are kept out once more by our big Dutch Keeper. I’m wide awake now. We’re good for this draw, 15 minutes left, this is a good performance in the second half. Gary Hart comes on for Fozzy on 76mins, hmmmm, is Forster injured? Good to see Hart back in the team anyway. We’re creaming Millwall now, another corner. Mark Wright on for Cox on 85mins.

This has been a good battling performance against a strong team, epitomised by the skipper Virgo. Five minutes of injury time, eh? From where? Tunnicliffe clears off the line!!!! Shit! Corner for Albion with a minute left, wasted. COME…ON….ALBION.

That’s it, good result, we’re back playing football again. Note to Russell Slade, START PLAYING GARY DICKER FROM THE START BALDY!

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 7 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Adam Virgo

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers; El-Abd, Virgo, Tunnicliffe, Whing; Bennett, Navarro (Dicker 45), Crofts, Cox (M Wright 85); Dickinson, Forster (Hart 76)

Subs: M Wright, Livermore, Dicker, J Smith, Hart, Thornhill, Cook, Davies

League One Table

28 Aug 2009 21:49 UK

Position Team P GD PTS
Full League One table
1 Charlton 4 6 12
2 Leeds United 4 6 12
3 Colchester 4 7 9
4 Bristol Rovers 4 3 9
5 Brentford 4 3 8
6 MK Dons 4 2 8
7 Huddersfield 4 7 7
8 Millwall 5 2 7
9 Yeovil 4 1 5
10 Exeter 4 0 5
11 Oldham 4 -1 5
12 Swindon 4 -4 5
13 Southend 4 0 4
14 Leyton Orient 4 -1 4
15 Stockport 4 -1 4
16 Walsall 4 -2 4
17 Carlisle 4 -2 4
18 Hartlepool 4 -2 4
19 Norwich 4 -4 4
20 Gillingham 4 1 3
21 Tranmere 4 -4 3
22 Brighton 5 -9 2
23 Wycombe 4 -5 1
24 Southampton 4 -3 -8


August 26, 2009
Fancy a prawn sandwich at half-time Bert?

"Fancy a prawn sandwich at half-time Bert?"

Bit of a giggle at Upton Park last night, West Ham 3 – 0 Millwall. But who knows the real result outside the ground, between the ICF and Bushwackers? I’d put money on the Millwall firm. The funniest thing about last night’s telly was watching obese 40-50 year old Hammers’ “shirts” trying to run the length of the pitch to get at Millwall.

So, after the middle-class takeover of the game post-Fever Pitch, the working-class oiks prove once again that football fans can still be found having an “off” every once in a while. Prawn sandwich anyone?

Of course the Seagulls are visiting the New Den this Friday night, but I definitely won’t be there as I’m flying back to Kabul tomorrow. I expect there to be more police than usual at the game, even though it looks like West Ham were the real trouble-makers last night, inside the ground anyway. It could be a good time to play Millwall right now, a hard mid-week cup game with extra-time, a riot and a 3-0 defeat can play havoc with your confidence. Game on.

Albion 2 – 4 Stockport

August 23, 2009

How it feels supporting the Seagulls

How it feels supporting the Seagulls so far this season

I wasn’t going to report on this match until tomorrow, I am so pissed off with how it went. But, as it’s a glorious day in sunny Hove my spirits have lifted. It’s hard remembering from the game itself how it all went, so much happened at Withdean yesterday. But I stayed awake long enough last night fitting it all together again in my head. Here goes, pretty it ain’t.

I’ll go through each player’s performance (there were some pluses, but will Slade really capitalise on them? I’m not so sure). The main talking point was the dickhead in charge – stand up Mr Steve Cook, you tit of a referee. He killed the game off with two sendings off (Stockport’s was too late to affect the game), and spoiled what was a cracking 11 v 11 game.

Sent off - Tommy Elphick

We were battering County at full strength, but the ref made sure we were to get sweet FA out of this one. On to our individual players. Graeme Smith made some great instinctive saves, but was caught way off his line for Stockport’s second, for that he earns 6 out of 10. Adam Virgo at right back, mmm. As much as I like the Tank, he has, as the loud guy behind me in South Stand Block G fairly commented, “the touch of a rapist”. He charged all day, tried 110%, but looks overweight and off the pace. Also, too quiet as captain, 5 for Virgs.

Albion goalscorer and Man of the Match Liam DickinsonTommy Elphick and James Tunnicliffe were outstanding at centre back, until Elphick’s dodgy sending off second half he was arguably our best player on the park, he won every challenge, fair or unfair. Tunnicliffe did well after the sending off, and has earned his slot for Millwall on Friday night, which I assume he’ll get as Tommy sits in the stands suspended. Elphick 7, Tunnicliffe 7. Whingy was hot and cold, we need McNulty or Jake Wright back so he can slot back in at right back where he’s more comfortable, Whing gets 6 out of 10. The less said about Colin Hawkins the better, straight red even when seen from Block G, 3 out of 10.

Sent off - Colin HawkinsMidfield. Navarro battled all day, but his little legs – I assume he has legs as all you can see from under his huge shorts are his white socks – couldn’t carry him everywhere at once. He’s not much good going forward, another one who needs to lose a few pounds. Andrew Crofts is growing on me as the better half of the central midfield partnership, he’s a quick thinker, good tackler and lays the ball off well. He ran himself into the ground when we went to 10, then 9 men. Crofts earns 8 out of ten, Navarro 6. Dean Cox was pretty useless, he looks unsettled (I suspect a move soon, Southampton anyone?), and everyone I was sitting with agreed they were happy when he trudged off after Elphick’s sending off on 62 minutes, making way for the Keystone Cop Hawkins, who went down the tunnel three full minutes later. Cox gets 5.

Elliott Bennett must be wondering why he signed a three-year contract with the Albion, that’s the only excuse I can give for his distinctly unimpressive debut on the wing. Not bad at set pieces, but light and easily robbed of the ball in possession. Mark Wright replaced him for more of the same, similar player, similar strengths and weaknesses. Both wingers score 5 each.

Up front Forster looked keen, but I noticed early on his touch was off. He duly scored and all seemed well with the world, but the penalty miss was the big “what if?” moment in this game, so his performance was ultimately lame. He was substituted for Gary Dicker (more later), and scores 6 out of 10. Liam Dickinson is a good footballer, he did everything right yesterday (apart from his silly dive late on in the penalty area for which he was rightly booked). Won a penalty, put himself about, made a nuisance of himself, his goal just shades his performance over Crofts’ for my man of the match. 8 for Dicko.

The second BIG talking point about this game is Gary Dicker – why oh why does he not start every game? When we went down to nine men Dicker came on and we were the better team, making the best chances until we ran into the ground and out of steam. Dicker made nice one-twos, laid the ball on two or three times for others (Virgs, jesus!) to miss good chances. He took players on and tackled back, in other words, he played like a midfielder should. Slade must play him from the start at Millwall, if he doesn’t I will joining those who think Mr Slade needs to reconsider his tactics or ply his trade elsewhere. I have more than sneaking suspicion that Slade won’t play him because he didn’t sign him, that’s just bullshit if it’s true. Dicker was our best player for the short time he was on the pitch, 8 out of 10.

So there you have it. The next game I will attend in person is Hartlepool on 31st October as I’m back in Afghanistan this Thursday. I expect to come home to better than this, we have good players, but we are playing the wrong ones in my opinion. Have a nice Sunday.

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 5 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Liam Dickinson

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2)  G Smith; Tunnicliffe, Elphick , Virgo, Whing; Bennett (M Wright 58), Navarro, J Smith, Cox (Hawkins 63); Forster (Dicker 67), Dickinson

Subs: Pelling, El-Abd, Dicker, M Wright, McLeod, Thornhill, Davies

You are having a larf Dennis

August 21, 2009

You couldn’t make it up, or could you? On seconds thoughts, yes you could. Read it here at the Mirror. Once we get relegated to League Two then Dennis the Menace will take over from a humiliated Russell Slade, with the irrepressible Gus Poyet in bed with him. Jesus Wept! What better incentive for Slade and the Seagulls to have a glorious season than have Den and Gus waiting for us next season if we don’t.


Seagulls sign ANOTHER winger

August 20, 2009

Russell Slade has just signed 20 year old Elliott Bennett from Wolves on a three year contract for an “undisclosed fee”. With three or four out-and-out wingers now in the squad either RS is adding to his attacking options or Dean Cox or Kevin McLeod could be on their way out.

I think we need another attacker and a good “midfield general” type in the centre of the park, but I’m sure Mister Slade and Mister Bloom have a master plan up their sleeves. At least they’re doing something after our mauling at Huddersfield the other night. Stockport’s visit to Withdean on Saturday has ceased being a fairly innocuous early season meet-up between two fairly mediocre League One teams, and is now a crucial must-win game if the Withdean boo-boys are to be kept in the cage for any longer, and the fingers of condemnation start pointing at the man in the blue baseball cap. It’s all business usual at The Good Ship Albion folks, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Huddersfield 7 (that’s seven) – 1 Albion

August 18, 2009

Tough one tonight. I have Huddersfield down as one of my picks for automatic promotion this year, along with either Charlton or Leeds. Anything better than a heavy defeat at the Galpharm Stadium will be a good result for us.

The Argus reckons Jim McNulty is in the squad for tonight, but according to the NSC (which I trust more anyhoo), Jimmy Mac is out and so is Glenn Murray (shock! horror!). And Seagulls Player is online a full ten minutes before the KO, is that a good omen for the Seagulls? Fairly boring first ten minutes, that’ll do us nicely, 0-0 would be a result. Scrappy, Virgo big and strong. Second corner for Albion. Navarro gives the ball away, El-Abd saves his blushes as last man, Kuipers gathers.

It’s good hearing the travelling support singing, good effort. Saints 1-0 down at Swindon, hoho, remember my bet at work? $100 for Albion to finish above Saints this year. Gertcha! Virgo is playing a captain’s game so far, I’m liking this Albion defence, even El-Abd is doing well. Need goals. Smith hits one over the bar. Fooking hell, Huddersfield break, cross, header, onion bag, first go. Jesus. Now the home team are going for it, this is where this Albion team has to prove their bottle. No excuses, goals please.

OUT OF FACKING NOWHERE! LIAM DICKINSON VOLLEYS A BELTER INTO THE ONION BAG!!!!!!!!! 1-1 SEAGULLLLLLLSSSSS!!!!!!! Within a minute, a fooking minute, Huddersfield go ahead again! No mistake this is a good Huddersfield team, and this is a cracking match. El-Abd makes a poor back pass, the Terrier striker cuts in, Kuipers brings him down, penalty, Kuipers sent off. Kuipers is incandescent with rage. Step up Graeme Smith, what a game to come into. Smith has been booked for picking the ball up??? WTF? 3-1, game over at half time folks. Christ on a bike.

Second half as expected all Huddersfield. Smith gets his first decent touch collecting a corner. Whing gives away another penalty, poor old Graeme Smith, this could be really embarassing tonight, I can barely watch. SMITH SAVES!!!!!! The big Scot does brilliantly. This is one crazy game of football. Smith is FLAIR, fastest booking probably ever, then saves a penalty. Plan B – keep the score down, hope for the odd set piece to nick one.

I need to STFU, soon as I say “Plan B” the Terriers score a fourth. 5-1 now, we’re ragged. Slade takes off Dickinson to give Fozzy a run out. Dicko is the only positive from tonight, perhaps Jamie Smith’s good run out before he had to make way for Kuipers’ sending off. It’s six, we’re being butchered here. This is hard to stomach, I never expected this result. In injury time Huddersfield stamp one last boot into the Albion’s battered and bloody face 7 (SEVEN)-1. Ah well, we’re still ten points ahead of Southampton. Goodnight.

Xenophon’s Albion Team Performance : 2 out of 10

Xenophon’s Albion Man of the Match : Liam Dickinson

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-5-1) Kuipers (sent off 39); Whing, Virgo, Elphick, El-Abd; Cox, Navarro (Thornhill 75), Crofts , J Smith (G Smith 39), McLeod; Dickinson (Forster 70).

Subs: G Smith, Tunnicliffe, Thornhill, Dicker, M Wright, Forster, Davies

League One table

Tuesday, 18 August 2009 21:52 UK

Position Team P GD PTS
Full League One table
1 Colchester 3 8 9
2 Charlton 3 4 9
3 Leeds United 3 3 9
4 Huddersfield 3 8 7
5 Brentford 3 3 7
6 Bristol Rovers 3 2 6
7 Millwall 3 2 5
8 MK Dons 3 1 5
9 Yeovil 3 1 4
10 Walsall 3 0 4
11 Carlisle 3 -1 4
12 Oldham 3 -1 4
13 Swindon 3 -4 4
14 Gillingham 3 2 3
15 Southend 3 0 3
16 Leyton Orient 3 -1 3
17 Tranmere 3 -1 3
18 Exeter 3 -1 2
19 Wycombe 3 -2 1
20 Hartlepool 3 -3 1
21 Stockport 3 -3 1
22 Norwich 3 -7 1
23 Brighton 3 -7 1
24 Southampton 3 -3 -9

Put an Albion shirt on one of these

August 16, 2009
The only deadly striker to be found in Sussex this August

The only deadly striker to be found in Sussex this August

I missed the away day at Brentford. I’m glad I didn’t make the trip to see the Bees, as Albion’s strikers have no sting in their tail so far this summer. The irony is that I was attending a garden party over in Battle, where just like last Saturday at Withdean, I got stung by a bastard wasp! That’s two good strikes on consecutive league game days. Russell Slade needs to sign one or two of these vicious little bastards, or at least have a few hover around the away dressing room at Withdean, ready to strike just before kick-off.

League One table

Sunday, 16 August 2009

Position Team P GD PTS
Full League One table
1 Colchester 2 7 6
2 Charlton 2 3 6
3 Leeds United 2 2 6
4 Huddersfield 2 2 4
5 Brentford 2 2 4
6 Walsall 2 1 4
7 Oldham 2 1 4
8 Gillingham 2 3 3
9 Bristol Rovers 2 1 3
10 Yeovil 2 1 3
11 Tranmere 2 0 3
12 Leyton Orient 2 0 3
13 Southend 2 0 2
14 Millwall 2 0 2
15 MK Dons 2 0 2
16 Exeter 2 -1 1
17 Brighton 2 -1 1
18 Carlisle 2 -2 1
19 Hartlepool 2 -2 1
20 Stockport 2 -2 1
21 Swindon 2 -5 1
22 Norwich 2 -6 1
23 Wycombe 2 -2 0
24 Southampton 2 -2 -9

A Night at the Races

August 14, 2009

So, I had my night at the dogs in Hove. Marvellous. After buying the booze and burgers I still came away £25 richer than when I went in. I got bored with the girlie Tote betting straightaway and hung around the proper fixed odds bookies at trackside, where the minimum bet is £5.

They're Off!!!

They're Off!!!

My mate and his Mum were there with us. His old Dad who passed away last year used to race around 4 dogs regular at Hove, so he knew a lot of the bookies and trainers very well. It didn’t stop him picking some right old poodles when it came to the races though, hoho.

Of the seven races that I bet on the nose, four won. Deano, my mate who’s Mum was there, bet on two of my winners as well. One dog, “Kylegrove Mentor” curled a huge shit out trackside before it was due to race. We ran down to Chas Miller the Hove bookie to bung a tenner on it – “It’s a lot lighter now, a dead cert to win!” It did, at evens.

Another winner at Hove

Another winner at Hove

The trouble won more races than both of us, but she was doing the tote and winning peanuts, just enough to keep me in Guinness, haha. But, it was a great night out, I’ve put a few pics and movies up of some of my winners, and a night at the dogs is indeed great relief from watching the Albion. The fact you can come away actually making money instead of grumbling about a losing Withdean match where you’ve forked out £50 for two wet seats makes it highly, highly recommended.

Statue of Ballyregan Bob

Statue of Ballyregan Bob

Dog shitting from Hove

August 12, 2009

Dog shitting from Hove

The title of this post is an old joke from CAMRA‘s cartoon drunkard “Keg Buster” (drawn by Bill Tidy). KB would lose his rag when his mates would rather watch “Dog shitting from Hove” on the telly than go for a pint of real ale with him. Well, as a bit of light relief from our pretty awful start to the 2009-10 footy season, I’m off to Hove Dog Track tomorrow night, not to watch whippets curling one out, but for a night of dog racing with a few buddies.

If it’s any fun I’ll throw a few pics up on the blog here with a bit of commentary. I might even win a few bob, who knows.

Swansea 3 – 0 Albion

August 11, 2009

Tonights match sponsor

Tonight's match sponsor

The Carling Cup, brought to you by Walt Disney Productions. Sorry, but I’m not a cup man, I’m all league football. Ever since Manure decided they were too good to play in the hitherto prestigious flagship of British Football – the FA Cup - I’ve even less interest in cup games. The Carling Cup is about as exciting as one of Alex Ferguson’s slagfest press conferences. Now, if the Seagulls were to get within spitting distance of Wembley, I might get mildly enthused, but it’s the grind and struggle of the football league that really floats my dolphin.

That said, Brighton & Hove Albion are playing a competitive football match tonight, so I’m listening in on Seagulls Player, as duty must. It is another chance for this new team to get to know each other after all.

Finally get Seagulls Player online 8 minutes into the game. Albion playing Forster/Dickinson up front, 4-4-2. Worked better on saturday, not so good against Scunny in pre-season. 1-0 to Swansea after Jake Wright gets booked and the Swans score from the dead ball. Mark Wright dropped, strange decision. Still no Gary Dicker in midfield. Seagulls Player commentary goes off and now two Welsh twats are on there for Swansea. They’ve gone again, boyo.

Swans miss an open goal. Seagulls Player is absolute fooking wank, a waste of my fooking hard earned money. I’m just about to launch my laptop off the balcony. It won’t stay on for more than 2 minutes at a time. Oh great back on just in time for half bastard time.

Jake Wright taken off after a ‘mare marking Nathan Dyer, Whing moving to left back and El-Abd on at right back. Mark Wright on for Crofts. Once again Virgo and Elphick playing well at the back. Kuipers makes another sensational save after a short period of Albion pressure. 2-0 straightaway, Swansea are taking us apart on the break. I reckon we put this one to bed.

Murray on for Dicko on 65 minutes, still frustrating times for the big ex-Derby hitman. Nothing happening for us. Dead in the water. Swansea deliver the coup de grace in injury time, 3-0.

It wasn’t to be tonight, Swansea are a far better football team, get this Carling Cup nonsense out of the way, we all had a night versus Man City a wee while ago, big deal, Football League One is where it’s at. Bring on the Bees on Saturday. That is all.

Xenophon’s Albion Team Performance : 5 out of 10

Xenophon’s Albion Man of the Match : Tommy Elphick

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers; Whing, Elphick, Virgo, J Wright (El-Abd 45) ; Thornhill, Navarro, Crofts (M Wright 45), Cox ; Dickinson (Murray 65), Forster


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